If you pay attention to your thoughts, you’ll see that they are continuous. Constant. Endless. That’s what your brain does. It thinks. But what does it think about? What occupies most of your brain’s time, energy, and attention?
It’s yourself. Nearly half of our waking hours are spent in mind-wandering, much of it centered on our own lives, experiences, and imagined futures.*
Isn’t that interesting? Our experiences. Our imagined futures. We replay situations that have already happened. We judge ourselves about reactions we had and words we said. We imagine how things will play out in the future. Essentially, we create narratives about our lives and we rehearse them, over and over. These thoughts don’t just pass through your mind. They begin to shape how you see yourself and how you move through the world. Over time, what you rehearse starts to feel true.
Surprisingly, negative thoughts are not the majority, but research shows they’re processed more deeply and remembered more strongly, giving them a disproportionate influence on how we see ourselves and our lives.** This is why certain stories we rehearse about ourselves repeat more easily than others.
The Narrative You Believe
So what narrative are you telling about yourself? What stories do you keep rehearsing? And how does this affect your life? This practice of asking these questions is meant to disrupt your thought pattern and help you become aware of repeating thoughts that are actually shaping your life. Once you notice the story, you’re no longer completely inside it. You have agency to change it.
When you think about who you are as a person, what comes to mind? Do you have to ask a friend or loved one to tell you about your positive attributes? Why couldn’t you think of any on your own? Pay attention to this. It’s important. If you’re using this as a journaling practice, remember the positive ways you describe yourself. Use those as affirmations and practice telling that story about yourself. Remember, those negative thoughts tend to carry more weight and linger longer in our minds, so shifting that with consistent rehearsal of positive traits you know to be true about yourself is helpful in shaping the narrative about your life. This isn’t about convincing yourself of something false; it’s about rehearsing what is already real but easy to forget.
What are some thoughts you have about what you deserve? What do you believe you deserve in your relationships? In your life? Again, pay attention to how this shapes your life and what stories you’re telling yourself. What you believe you deserve often sets the tone for what you allow in your life.
What You Allow to be Possible
What’s possible in your life? What are you allowing yourself to dream, create, pursue? To tolerate, protect, prioritize? The narrative you tell yourself determines the possibilities of your life. It shapes what you strive for, what you endure, and what you believe is available to you. It becomes the architecture of your life.
When you notice that you’re keeping your possibilities small, you realize you’re missing opportunities for growth. Reminding yourself of positive truths allows you to see a wider array of possibilities for your life. This kind of awareness takes practice. And what you practice, you begin to believe.
Learning as I go,
Ila
If you’re noticing the stories you’ve been rehearsing aren’t true, you don’t have to figure out how to change them on your own.
Our Inner Dialogue Transformation Challenge is a 5-day guided email experience to help you change those patterns and begin opening new possibilities. Click below to start your transformation.
*Based on Killingsworth & Gilbert (2010), Science.
**Based on Baumeister et al. (2001), Review of General Psychology.